Road Trippin'

I'm so cool

For anybody who has been keeping tabs on my recent social media activity you may have seen that I bought myself a motorcycle. It was definitely one of my more interesting impulse buys and has led to some memorable experiences. Before I came here I had never driven one of those bad boys, so to say that I was faced with a learning curve in a place where traffic laws are virtually nonexistent, is an understatement. I was able to learn how to operate the bike fairly quickly but the real challenge is navigating the unpredictable traffic. Having a healthy respect for your vehicle and how fast it can go, for me, is the most important element of the experience. I'm sure I've given my parents some sleepless nights after informing them of my purchase, so the very least I can do is exercise caution. One lesson that I consistently get beaten over the head with here is that overconfidence is dangerous, and that becomes even more apparent when operating a motor vehicle. Just when I think I've completely mastered riding that thing, I'll see some tiny scooter with a family of four and a dog sitting on it run a red light and almost get into an accident and start yelling at the vehicle who clearly had the right of way as if it's their fault. So it's important to expect the unexpected.

With that being said...riding a motorcycle is BAD. ASS. I had driven scooters before but this is some next level shit. Before I didn't mind having to walk everywhere because I think it's a really good way to get a feel for your surroundings and become accustomed to your 'hood; but having the ability to transport myself not just around the city but also outside of it at high rate of speed is incredibly liberating. Armed with my new found freedom, I began taking rides to the areas outside the city that would last about an hour or so. The scenery around here is spectacular, I've posted a few pictures on Facebook but, when I look back at them, I feel that something gets lost in translation. One needs to observe these places with the naked eye to truly comprehend what these places have to offer. The more that I saw, the farther I wanted to go. I became interested in taking longer trips but I didn't know where to begin or where to go. Fortunately, through mutual friends, I was introduced to a couple of other expats (one Dutch the other Scottish)  who have lived here for awhile, have a good knowledge of the area, and are motorcycle enthusiasts.  I expressed interest in joining them on their next trip and they told me that I was welcome to come along, but they warned me that these trips would be long affairs. A typical trip for these dudes begins around 5 AM and lasts late into the

evening, usually covering 500+ kilometers (yea, I use the metric system now). The length of the trip seemed a bit excessive but I agreed to come along to see if it was for me. Since meeting those guys I have gone on two trips with them; the first one went by without a single problem and the second one was an unmitigated disaster, let's go deeper:

Trip 1: I could tell you each of the specific towns we went through but I doubt that'll mean anything to most of you, so I'll very generally say that this trip took us south. To give some scope on the trip, the farthest south of Guilin I had been previously is the town of Yangshuo; which we passed after the first hour, so this was truly uncharted territory for me. Our destination was the ancient town of Huangyao. After passing Yangshuo we continued through some incredibly remote country roads. This is the China that foreigners don't often see and I felt incredibly lucky to be able to take it in. When promoting China as a tourist destination foreigners are often given pictures portraying the fabulous wealth and development of places like Beijing or Shanghai much in the same way that the U.S. tends to direct outsiders towards places like New York or LA. I've been here for a little while now but this trip was the first time that I felt like I got a real taste of the area. Many of the places that are advertised as "authentic cultural destinations" often feel very contrived and you get the sense that the people working there are trying to play it up so that the visitors spend more money. But in these tiny villages out in the boonies of Guangxi province, these people didn't give a shit whether I stayed or went; they were too busy slingin' rice and other things of that nature. We were able to draw small crowds of people in the places where we stopped for water, most of them kids asking us where we were from. I started having fun with it and telling people I was from China and acting offended when they didn't believe me. What was shocking to me was that my friend was actually able to convince some people that we were from a faraway region of China. The tide of modernization certainly hadn't made it to these parts yet. I've heard stories of other white people

Boonies

going through villages like these and being asked if they were Japanese; because of their skin they certainly weren't from China so the only other answer must have been Japan. I can only imagine what it must be like for people living in these places their whole lives without seeing many visitors to one day witness a group of strange-looking people speaking a strange language show up to their town. But, even with extreme poverty and limited resources, you still get the sense that things in China are changing. It felt like every 30 minutes I had to switch lanes to get around a vehicle laying down blacktop in order to pave a road. There also seemed to be a heavy amount of construction going on in most places we drove by. There is a real tangible sense of development in this country, some places are just taking a little bit longer. The rest of the trip went by without any problems; we made it to Huangyao, took some pictures, then headed back taking a different route. We got back to Guilin at 10 that evening, a solid 17-hour day. I was obviously pretty tired afterward but I was galvanized by the experience and I couldn't wait to take another trip. We made plans to go again the next Saturday.

Trip 2: Even before the trip began it seemed pretty ambitious to me. The route would take us through the mountainous northern region of Guangxi and into the neighboring province of Hunan before looping around and heading back to Guilin, nearly 600 kilometers. But at that point in time I thought I was a badass and could handle anything so I was all-in on the idea. We met again at 5:30 AM and off we went. About an hour into the trip I realized that I had the sniffles; this condition would go on to manifest itself into a full-blown fever (complete with a sinus infection, full-body aches, and dehydration) by the end of the trip. Later on, we made a stop to take a picture of a cool-looking mountain ridge when my bike unexpectedly fell on its side, shattering my right rear-view mirror. This was something that I needed to fix as soon as possible; driving in China is unpredictable enough even when you have all the necessary devices. The problem was, at that point, we were pretty far away from civilization so I would have to wait a little while before I would be able to get it fixed. Then, shortly after we crossed into Hunan, I nearly ended an old man's life who decided to pedal his creaky-ass bike right in front of me at the moment I was passing him, even though he could clearly see me coming 100 yards away. We both came to a stop and he began yelling at me in some rough dialect of Chinese while I yelled and cursed back at him in English. We both soon realized that this nuanced discussion on proper traffic etiquette wasn't getting us anywhere so we exchanged a couple more "fuck yous" and racial slurs before going our separate ways. Eventually, we found a place where I could get a new mirror. After I got my bike fixed, a sense of optimism came over me and I felt that, despite my illness, it would be uphill from there...naive thinking. The return trip would take us through the Longsheng rice terraces with some of the most spectacular scenery in the area so I was excited to see that. A few hours went by without a problem until all of the sudden my bike broke down. We were about 200 kilometers outside of Guilin at that point and only had about an hour of sunlight left. I was so frustrated with the trip by that point that I even considered ditching my bike on the side of the road and riding on the back of one other persons' the rest of the way. One guy in the group had a tool kit with him and did some surgery and was able to get it started after about 30 minutes of effort. I knew that I wouldn't be able to stop until I got back to Guilin because it was unlikely that it would start up again. I braced myself for a sketchy ride back. It was completely dark by that point and the road home was windy and mountainous. To make matters worse, the wear and tear of the trip was causing my brakes to become less responsive; oh yea, and I had a full-blown fever...this really sucked. It was unfortunate that my situation and mental state were preventing me from appreciating my surroundings. On the way back, a monkey ran out in front of me before jumping on and scaling a rock face on the side of the road...and I didn't even care, I just wanted to be home. Eventually I made it but by that point I was in so much pain that I must've looked like Jordan Belfort on 'ludes as I climbed the stairs to my apartment.

So, apart from don't buy a second-hand motorcycle in China (especially when you know next to nothing about how they operate) and 18 hour bike trips make you feel like you dropped the soap in a prison shower, what did I learn from all of this? The answer may surprise you. I learned that, when it comes to travelling, bad experiences make good memories (provided that you are able to get through them unscathed). Since I've been here I've had numerous bad experiences: spending nights on dirty, smelly, crowded overnight trains, being stuck in the Shenzhen airport for an entire night as all hell broke loose in front of me, getting locked in a cab by a crooked driver trying to extort me, having to use a wooden board as a mattress in an apartment with no central heating or functional toilet, the list goes on. But I'm still standing, and my circumstances have improved dramatically; furthermore, when I think back on those times some thing weird happens: I smile and laugh. My second trip was a nightmare and that's why it will always be a fond memory of mine.

"Going Native" Experience of the Week

Opening up another bank account and seeing the woman behind the counter using an abacus.

Mandarin Improvement Sign

Being able to sit through an entire movie in Chinese without being totally lost on what was going on (was still a little lost though).

Funny Sign of the Week

This shirt being worn by a first grader at my school:

Now I'm not sure if the message on the shirt is indicating whether the wearer is the "juror" or the "murderer" in the scenario it describes, but this young tot appears to be happy either way. The amount of people I see walking around wearing shirts with words where they clearly have no idea what it says or means is enough to where it may be worthy of it's own blog post (Hmmm).

Reason Why I Like This Place

High quality massages are cheap (cue the happy ending jokes). But seriously! Getting a massage in the U.S. is usually viewed as a luxury service. Here it's like going to get a haircut. I have often asked my Chinese friends what they thought would be their toughest adjustment if they moved to the U.S. (besides the language barrier) and many of them said they would have a tough time without having access to regular, affordable massages. Massages here play a large medicinal role as well. Although some of the treatments seem pretty funky to someone with a western sensibility like myself:

Bamboo cups+fire=medicine?

Random Tangent