Partytime

The subject matter of this week's post is one that I've told myself would never become an important theme in my writing: partying. The reason I've been so reluctant is because too often I see foreigners approach travelling as simply an international bar crawl. I find this unfortunate because I feel that spending your nights drinking and your days hungover is a great way to miss out on the numerous opportunities and experiences that are put right in front of you when you insert yourself in a foreign environment. Now before people who know me from back home begin accusing me of being a hypocrite, I will admit that I enjoy going out and partying as much as anyone (I mean, I was in a frat ok?). But, if there's one thing I learned from my college and fraternity experience (aside from, of course, being the best man I can be, that I can invent the future, and Jimmy John's sandwiches are garbage),  it's that you don't need to travel great distances to get drunk and act like a fool (tuition money well spent). So, armed with this knowledge, I have made a conscious effort on my part since arriving here to dial back that aspect of my life and focus more on the things that actually brought me here; but, dialing back doesn't mean cutting out entirely. I am a single man in my early twenties and I won't be able to meet girls if I stay in on the weekends banging out blog posts. I also figure that if I dedicate one post to the party atmosphere around here I'll never have to bring it up again, unless something totally out of left field happens. With this mission in mind, I sucked it up and spent this past weekend patronizing a few local Guilin hotspots, because sometimes in life sacrifices must be made for the greater good (in this case the greater blog post) . This won't be a comprehensive list of every cool place to go here, just what I've done so far.

Let me start by commenting on the local alcohol situation. There are several import stores around here where one can buy nice beer, wine, and liquor and most convenience stores sell American Budweiser but, the local alcohol selection leaves something to be desired. If you're looking for the cheapest way to catch a buzz you're faced with three options:

1) Liquan beer (Lee-chuan)-This is the most common beer available at convenience stores. You can buy it in a can or a large bottle equal to about 2.5 cans. Considering that its the cheapest beer in a country not well known for producing good beers, it should come as no surprise to you that people drinking these are usually aiming for quantity over quality. I've also heard from more than one person that the Liquan company puts formaldehyde (embalming fluid) in their beer (I guess to preserve the taste maybe??) I'm not sure if I believe that it's actually formaldehyde but something is definitely sketchy about a beer that is 3.6% alcohol and has a distinctive, non-watery taste. Best not to think about it.

2) Baijiu (Bye Joe)-Hooooooo boy, this stuff is for people who really like to live on the edge. It's a clear rice liquor that tastes like a mixture of vodka and gasoline. I'm still not quite sure if this stuff has any business being in a human body. It's not uncommon to walk around here and see groups of Chinese men sitting at tables drunk off their asses and chain-smoking with several of these bottles sitting on the table and no chasers in sight. These people aren't messing around.

3. Great Wall-Not much to say here. It's a cheap red wine designed to be distributed en masse. I'm sure wine connoisseurs would hate it but I can't say that it's the worst wine I've ever had. There's this stuff called Franzia...

So, given these three choices (or an import if you decide you would rather pay extra because you want to avoid waking up with sharp pains in your stomach), the move on the weekends is to normally find somebody's apartment to hang out at and drink a bit before hitting the town and seeing where the night takes you. Once the decision is made to head out, there are a couple choices:

1. The International Youth Hostel- This hostel is a place where travellers often stay when just passing through. There's a cool lobby inside with a bar and lots of tables and couches. This isn't a place to go and get rowdy but it's fun to go with a smaller group of friends. One of the things I really like about this place are the people you run into. You often hear some pretty cool stories when people are explaining to you just how they came to be in this part of the world.

2. Cats and Rabbits- Located across the street from the hostel, this bar is probably the most popular place for foreigners living in Guilin to go out to on a weekend night. Even though just about all the employees there are Chinese, there's usually western music playing. They will also have the occasional band come through. I feel that foreigners like CnR because it has become a familiar place in an unfamiliar environment. It's small enough to where you can walk in and expect to see some recognizable faces and hear some recognizable songs but not so familiar that you'll forget what country you're in (and if you do forget, the bathrooms will certainly remind you). 

Bush isn't too popular here

 3. Muse- What is Muse? OMG only the hottest nightclub in town. I don't think I've ever come here

before midnight. If you're trying to kick things up a notch, this is the place you would go. Immediately upon entering Muse, one is thrown into a bizarro world full of strobe lights, lasers, and exotic dancers. The main room is about 50x40 yards with two stories of rented out booths for large parties surrounding a main stage area where people go to dance. Periodically throughout the night they will clear the dance floor and put a quick "show". These shows have a pretty wide variety. In the past I've seen everything from a hired performer singing popular Chinese songs, to Ukrainian women putting on a fashion show (I'd rather not think about how they came to be in Guilin but I'd be lying if I said I've never speculated), to a bunch of dudes wearing women's clothing and dancing in a suggestive manner (things can sometimes get a little weird). But, Muse is a place where, more than many other places, I have reaped the benefits of my foreign-ness. The booths in this place are typically rented out by local Chinese people who are having work parties, birthdays, bachelor parties, etc. I'm not sure what the exact prices of these booths are, but I know that they're relatively expensive. What Muse does in order to make reserving one a bargain is to match the price of the booth with alcohol. Because alcohol around here is so cheap, it is not uncommon to walk around and see people sitting at a table with beers stacked into pyramids which are unlikely to be entirely finished. Since I'm such a rare specimen, oftentimes I get waved over by people sitting at these tables to come hang out. I realize that it probably has less to do with them actually wanting to hang out with me and more to do with them wanting other people in the club to see that they hang out with, presumably rich, foreigners but I'm OK with that (plus if they
took a look at my bank account they would see that the joke is on them).

I've been told from several extremely unofficial sources that there are certain Chinese customs that govern the behavior of a person playing a host. One of these customs is that, as a host, if your guests do not leave drunk and happy you have failed at your duties. The reason that I bring this up is because I get the feeling that this custom has been applied to me several times while at Muse (with varying results). Whenever I sit down at one of these booths I immediately get all kinds of beers, shots, and cigarettes shoved in my face as well as people wanting to play drinking games. The rate at which all of these get put in front of me would not be considered a sustainable pace for somebody who wants to hang out for awhile, so I usually need to tell people to slow their roll a bit. Since clearly I'm not from the area many people are interested to hear about where I come from and other things that interest me. I've had conversations ranging from the NBA to Batman to the Ukrainian crisis (and yes the last conversation was brought on while watching the Ukrainian fashion models). A couple weekends ago I had somebody ask me to teach them the rules of "Rock, Paper, Scissors." I thought it would be a fun thing to show them for a few minutes...but man did that game take on a life of it's own. After teaching a couple people they, in turn, went and taught some of their friends and soon enough we had a full-blown RPS tournament on our hands involving around 20 people where the losers had to take shots. This lasted for

forty five minutes!!! I have never A) played RPS as a drinking game and B) played for that long. I eventually had to throw in the towel and remove myself from the situation so that I wouldn't get sick. Who knew that RPS, in addition to being an effective conflict resolution method, could be such a strong symbol of globalization (and intoxication). To borrow a quote from the Dos Equis guy: I do not always go to Muse, but when I do, It's always interesting.

Muse bathroom sink

"Going Native" Experience of the Week

I now have an official account at the local Guilin bank, an official address, and an official permit to work in China...life is weird.

Mandarin Improvement Sign

Sitting and watching the NBA playoffs with the owner of the local coffee shop and talking about basketball.

Funny Sign of the Week

Hungry but don't have enough time for a meal? Try some little black biscuits

Not sure why I think this is so funny but it is.

There's a couple funny parts to this one. In addition to reassuring the customer that a human body is capable of digesting these, the makers have also clearly ripped off the "Ritz" logo. 

Reason Why I Like This Place

You can sleep anywhere:

No this man is not dead, he was breathing when I walked by (or at least he appeared to be). There were other people curled up on the sidewalk nearby but I chose to take a picture of this person because he had chosen what looked to be the most uncomfortable position. Seeing as that he was wearing khakis, a belt, and a button down shirt I don't believe that he is homeless either. 

Random Tangent

As the World Cup draws near (June 12th) and soccer fever makes its customary once-every-four-years sweep through the US we will once again hear the age old hypothetical question: What would happen if the best athletes in America played soccer? (What if we had a team where Adrian Peterson was our center back, Allen Iverson was a winger, and Chris Paul was a center mid?). I agree that fielding a team full of physical specimens could potentially help, but, what the casual US soccer fan does not understand is that the deficiencies in our national team have nothing to do with athleticism. We already have the most athletic team in the world (and if we don't we're at least in the top 5). Our forward Jozy Altidore will be one of the most physically gifted players on any team this summer, but he is no where near being considered a world class player. How do you think Lionel Messi would do at an NFL combine? Xavi? Pirlo? Rooney? Altidore would destroy them in any physical test but, when it comes to soccer, he barely belongs on the same field as these guys. What makes these guys so good is that they have tremendous footwork and they can read the game. Their soccer IQ is through the roof and they can kick a ball into a net as if they were born to do it. This is exactly where the US falls behind. This isn't a weakness that can be solved by bench pressing or broad jumping or running a fast 40 yard dash. The best teams in the world are organized and smart and are able to make an inferior team chase the ball around for 90 minutes. Teams that rely on athleticism may be able to upset a team here and there but they are ultimately doomed in a tournament where you are required to play multiple games outdoors in the summer time. If strength and athleticism were the most important assets to have in soccer why is the Spanish team better than the big, bad Germans? Why has an African team (considered to be among the fastest sides in the world) never won a World Cup? If we're going to try to give off the impression that we're a soccer-mad nation for the next month let's also give off the impression that we at least understand the game. Go USA!